Hi friends,
It’s Easter Sunday morning, and for most Christians it’s quite different than usual. No dressing up and going to worship the risen King in the church of our choosing. The virus has changed everything, including us. But I’m actually ok with that. Really.
I’m ok with that for many reasons. Partly because I’m in a very weird place as far as religion goes right now. For awhile I’ve been taking time to work on my personal relationship with my Creator and my Savior, setting aside much of what was taught to me about what I’m “supposed” to believe surrounding the life and death of Jesus, and instead choosing to study the Bible with much research of original Hebrew language and the Holy Spirit to guide me. It’s been enlightening to say the least. I’m still not in a completely comfortable place with religion... but I’m SO much more comfortable with God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit... and myself.
I was actually grateful to have this Easter Sunday, alone on the porch of my cabin in the mountains. I got up early, poured a cup of coffee, and sat down on the porch with a blanket wrapped around me for warmth. I sat looking at the mountains and pondering all the things my Savior has done for me. There is no doubt in my mind or heart that Jesus saved me. He saved me when he died on the cross, He saved me when I let Him into my heart and asked Him to change me and mold me into what He made me to be. And He continues to save me each and every day as I lean in closer and closer to His majesty.
OH, I could feel His majesty on my porch this morning! I could feel Christ in the wind blowing on my face. I could taste Him in the warm coffee I was sipping. I could see how God’s finger traced the mountains in front of me and carved out each hill and valley. I found myself grateful that I wasn’t feeling pressured to get dressed up in my “Easter best” and go into a building with a bunch of other people to worship this morning. I didn’t want corporate worship today. I just wanted it to be me and God on this Holy Day. Selfish maybe, but honest.
I’ve never been more grateful that God meets us wherever we are and we can worship him wherever we are and that Christianity isn’t about following a bunch of rules to me anymore. It’s about connecting with my Creator and my Savior... and letting Him lead me where I need to go, and become who I need to be.
Rohr speaks of the spiritual process of “order, disorder, reorder”. I actually thought I was in my reorder phase, but after crying many tears to my sweet husband this morning, and spilling my guts to him of how confused and disconnected I was feeling about the many religious rituals happening today, he gently informed me that I’m still very much in “disorder”. LoL. —That man is a GIFT FROM GOD I TELL YOU. He knows how to make me laugh just when I need it the most... and usually it’s by making me stop and see the reality of my situation with perfectly timed levity. I love him so.
If any of you reading this might be feeling the way I am today, I offer this blog post, “On the days when I believe this...”. by Sarah Bessey to you. It brought me much comfort this morning and dried my tears.
No matter where you are, physically or spiritually today, I hope you are all safe, happy and healthy. I hope you all can take this day to appreciate the blessings around you. Blessings from a God who loves you so deeply it’s mind-boggling. Find the beauty in your current set of circumstances, no matter how dreary they may seem right now. Only God can give us that kind of vision. The ability to see light in the dark.
I love this quote from the amazing Barbara Brown Taylor in her powerful book, “Learning To Walk In The Dark”: “New life starts in the dark. Whether it is a seed in the ground, a baby in the womb, or Jesus in the tomb, it starts in the dark.”
So, if you are like me and feel like you are stumbling around in the dark today, it’s ok. It just means new life is around the bend. On this day, I believe.
Happy Easter everyone.
Much love,
M
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