Ever since she passed away this morning, it's like I'm riding on enormous waves.
The grief comes from deep inside me, swelling up so strong I feel I can't breathe. And so I cry and wail to let out the pain.... and then it subsides a bit and I think I'm stronger.
But then, without any warning... I'm curled up in the fetal position again, trying desperately to get the grief to subside.
I know she's in a better place and she's not suffering anymore. I know I should have peace from that. And maybe I will tomorrow... but right now... I'm just SOOOO sad.
So many of you have been here before me... Tell me it gets easier.
Visitation for my sweet Mama is tomorrow, Wed. February 13th at Woodlawn Funeral Home and Memorial Gardens from 12-2pm.
Love you Mom.....
M
It does. It gets easier, I promise.... time does not heal but it does give us room to heal. Let yourself cry and grieve - then when you can, turn it around and do something good with it.
ReplyDeleteThe awesome thing is: there WILL be opportunities to do something good with your experience... the very first request I got from the "Notes & Cards" ministry at CP was for a 25 year old girl who had just lost her dad to cancer. Less than 1 year before that, I was a 24 year old girl who had just lost her mom to cancer. I couldn't deny it was a God thing for me to be able to share my experience with her. Every time a crazy-cool opportunity like that presents, I go straight back to 2 Corinthians 1:3-7: "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort."
Praying that passage for you now - for you to receive comfort in Christ so you can share it later. Love you lady!
Oh sweetheart.....I didn't know you lost your dear Mom at such a young age!! How HARD that must have been for you. No wonder you have such a heart to reach out and comfort others who are going through the same thing. thank you for you love, concern... and comforting actions towards me and my family. You are precious! Love you.....
DeleteOh... and I WILL need a night with YOU and those cookies you promised... soon. :-)
Yes, sweet and beautiful Marcia, it does get better over time. Amy's words were beautifully said. Let those tears come and never try to repress them...EVER! God gave them to you for a reason! They are a language that He understands, so ever apologize for those. You've been through so much, you've been strong for so long for both of your parents...and you are exhausted in every way! It hurts...deeply...it is a raw place to be. But God does allow it get easier as time goes on! I love you and, again, am always here for you, to help with your Daddy...whatever you need me to do! Bless you, dear friend!
ReplyDeleteThank you sweet and precious friend.... I love you.... M
DeleteHow deeply we grieve for those we so deeply love . . . Lifting you up, my friend. For now, I pray you find rest in the precious embrace of your Jesus. No better place to ride out those waves.
ReplyDeleteThank you for being one of my life-preservers... Love you...
DeleteDearest Marcia....riding the waves does get a little easier as time passes....only Jesus can do that for us. It will be 2 years in April for my mama and going through a little of this process with you was another small wave God put me on for my healing too. I'm sure I have many more to go with all my losses....so this is just to say it is ok....it is ok...for the waves to come and go. Jesus holds us tightly and gives us sweet friends to ride the waves with. I love you and am praying for your strength and peace....it will come...one day at a time.
ReplyDeleteElaine... your strength has been inspiring to me in the last few months since I've gotten to know you... and it is that same strength that carried me through this past Friday. I am still so grateful that YOU were the ONE God sent that day to help me. Love you.
DeleteYes, it does get easier...much easier, but don't rush it. You will always have moments...gosh, it's been 13 years for me, and last week I smelled a perfume in a store that my mother wore, and I lost it. But, it happens only a few times a year now. I pretty much think about her every day, but it isn't sad usually... often, it is just..hmm...what would Mama have said about THAT, and then a chuckle. The good memories will eventually overtake the sad ones and the sadness, and you will be able to focus on something other than sadness and missing her. But, don't rush it. Grief is natural and healthy and expected. Sadly, there is no script for it, as it is personal and individual. You were blessed to have a Mama that loved you and you loved her back for many years. God, your family and your friends will sustain you until you can do it again yourself. And your will.... after all, your Mama raised you that way. God's blessings on you and your family.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much dear Vicky..... Much love.... M
DeleteOur thoughts and prayers are with you and family. I can tell you that it does get better, but the hurt is always with you forever. When my dad passed away, I was crushed for sure, there is not a day that I don't think of him or drop a tear. It is just part of life, and sometimes that feels so cruel. Just be strong and remember all the wonderful memories. and Yes.........she is in a better place, so that is good. Love you all. Cousin Shelly
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