"Second Calling" - chapters 4 & 5

Ok.. I'm cheating a bit here and combining two chapters into this one post.  Two reason.. 1) because I'm horribly behind in my blogging and want to get caught up.  And 2) because these two chapters seemed very similar to me and thus seemed connected anyway. 

Chapter 4 is "Making Peace With The Past" and Chapter 5 is "Leaving The Baggage Behind".

Here are some passages that hit me between the eyes:

"Giving up the past may be the greatest challenge we face during midlife.  We want to hold on to so many of the good things -- our looks, our energy, and our roles that once defined us.  We also tend to hold on to the bad as well -- the insults, betrayals, criticisms, and injustices.   ---- On one hand, such tendencies are natural.  We can even justify them by claiming to want to be as good as we can be.  But unless we come to grips with the fact that being all we can be means something entirely different at this stage of life than it did when we were twenty, we will spend our days and years trying to become imitations of our former selves."  -- pg 52,53

"If you hold on to past pain, you may spend the rest of your life as a bitter or defeated person. God will only be able to work in a small part of your soul because it will already be full of scar tissue."  ---pg 55

"Problems do not go away.  They must be worked through or else they remain, forever a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit."  - M. Scott Peck --- pg 57

Ok... so it's CLEAR that we have to let go of the past so we can move forward in a healthy way.  But HOW do we do that?   Ms. Bourke suggests several ways, one being a Christian counselor.  Now, I must admit before going any farther here that I got "burned" by a "Christian counselor" several years ago.  Of course, I found out later on that her "counselor" title was self-imposed and didn't really have any degree.  She led me down a bad road, which basically caused me to walk away from the church and my faith for several years.  Luckily God gently pulled me back on track, but it was a slow road home.

  ....so, I cringed inside when I started reading this chapter, recalling the bad experience I had.  However, I do know some personal friends who have had good experiences with counseling, so I know it can be a great help... my only advice is to MAKE SURE you are going to a licensed and experienced one.  Ask around.  And don't be ashamed about it.  The "stigma" that once came along with going to "therapy" or "counseling" is gone in today's society.  You'll probably be surprised at the few people that don't have a counseling recommendation.  These days, "Who's your therapist?" seems to be in-line with asking "Who's your dentist?"  --- ( Note: Although my first counseling attempt was horrible, I did try it again a few years ago, this time carefully selecting someone, and this time it was MUCH better for me.  I only went a few times, but she really did help me get some things straight in my head. )

And remember.. it's not a weakness to recognize a need for help and reach out for it.  It's a strength.

Besides counseling, Ms. Bourke also talks alot about "self-care", which I whole-heartedly agree with.  If we don't take care of ourselves ladies, we can not take care of the ones around us.   You know when you are flying, and they tell you that if the oxygen masks drop down, put YOUR mask on first, THEN help others put there's on around you.  There's a reason for that.  Get it?

Now... launching into a "self-care" program is a tricky thing, because it doesn't mean you suddenly get to be "selfish" or "self-absorbed".   On page 74 is a list of things that "self-care" is and is not.   There's a fine line and you gotta walk it.  For real.  But setting boundaries that protect your own-well being is something most women are horrible at doing, and something that can literally change your life.  

One more interesting fact: Did you know that scientific studies have showed through actual brain scans that a brain could actually be "cooled down" by prayer and meditation?  No kidding!  I believe it too, because I always sense a "coolness" or "calmness" when I take time for quite prayer/meditation in my day.

"I also learned that prayer and meditation on God's word was as helpful to my physical and emotional life as it was to my spiritual life." - pg 76

Most women I know are highly stressed.  The pressures of this world can be quite toxic to our bodies. Exercising, eating right, and finding that quiet time for prayer each day are all things I'm learning are NOT "options" for me anymore if I want to have a good quality of life.  All three are equally important in my day.

So my question to YOU this week is: What are some things that you have found to be good "self-care" regiments? 

"Embracing Your Second Calling" - Chapter 3

We are going a tad bit slow with this book.  After five weeks we are only on Chapter 3.  Sigh.  Life disrupts the best-laid plans sometimes, doesn't it? 

Anyway.... Chapter 3 - "What Really Counts"

This chapter deals alot with looking hard at your relationships and responsibilities and how they are changing at this point in our lives.  My life used to be centered around raising kids and working (paying the bills).  I threw a little "church" in there when I could, but I have to admit, when I look back, I certainly wasn't making it a priority.  Serving others?  Oh no.  Didn't have time for that.  I was completely overwhelmed with what I had on my plate.  Service work would have to wait until I had more time in my schedule.

Ok.. here I am.  More time in my schedule.  The kids are mostly grown.  I've been so sad the last few months, realizing that my past role as the major person in my kids lives is slowly being downsized.  I didn't really know what to do with myself.  I was grasping tightly to my youngest child, thinking maybe, just maybe, I could stop this horrible process of inevitable independence from me.  But then one day, as I was crying to a good friend of mine about how none of my kids seem to need me anymore, she gently pointed out that I must have done a good job with them, since that's how it's supposed to be.  They shouldn't have to cling to "Mama" forever.  "Mama" may not be around one day and they need to be secure in making good decisions on their own.  Ok, so I know she's right.  It doesn't make it any easier, but what I now realize is that it's time for me to make some adjustments in my own life.  Find new passions and follow new dreams.  The second half of my life is upon me and it's clear I need to make changes.

"God wanted me.  It became more and more clear.  He didn't want just a piece of me, or just the leftovers.  God wanted me to want him more than anything else.  And he wanted me to understand that if I lived the second half of life like I had lived the first, I would continue to beat my head against the wall." --pg. 42

Those words jumped off the page when I read them.  Yes, changes need to be made.  Changes in my schedule.  Changes in my direction.  Changes in my perspective.   So... What will I do?

"God is more concerned about who we are than what we do" 

Ok.. so maybe "do-ing" isn't what needs to be my priority.  Maybe it's not about "do-ing" at all.  Maybe it's about "becoming".   Who do I want to become?  Ah-HA!  Now we are getting somewhere.

"Being ambitious might have been fine when we were younger, but it's not very attractive in women of our age.  It's so much more important to be gracious."  - pg. 47

So staying busy and "do-ing" all the time was how I felt good about the first half of my life.  "I'm so busy" translated to "I'm in such demand from everyone so I must be important" in my head.  But in this second half of life, I think slowing down is the key for me.  Not slowing down because I'm old and "can't do it all anymore",  but because I don't  "have to do it all anymore."   This is the kind of deliberate "slowing down" that comes from strength, not weakness.

"If I turn up the music of busyness, I will miss the whispers of God's call." - pg. 48

Slowing down and narrowing my focus. Stop being so scattered.  Stop trying to please everyone all the time.  And start concentrating on what really counts.   Amen.

If you are reading along with us via this blog, please feel free to chime in here with any other thoughts you might have about Chapter 3.  Learning from and through each other is vital... that's what life is all about!

"Embracing Your Second Calling" - Chapter 2

 Chapter 2 --- Getting Personal

“We feel shaken.  We feel scared.  We do not feel safe.  The center’s not holding and things are falling apart….. We inspire far less lust than we do respect.  We’re not quite prepared to settle for only respect.” – Judith Viorst, Necessary Losses

Ouch.  Really??  Are we REALLY here??  No more lust aimed our way??? Oh boy.   Let’s just say it.  The physical manifestations of aging suck.  They seriously suck.  The wrinkles, the gray hair, the aches & pains, reduced energy.....and those hot flashes. --Oh GEE…Why did God make us this way?  Hmmmmm…… Why DID God make us this way??   I mean, He had a choice.  He could’ve made us creatures that didn’t show “age” past a certain point, right?   Like my dog Django, who showed up at our door one day in the middle of a rainstorm.  Everyone says, “He’s SO cute!!  How old is he?” – I don’t know how old he is, he was a stray. He could be 2, he could be 8, he could be 12.  Can’t really tell by looking at him.  Wow!  Why didn’t God make US like that!?!?!  

Well, my friends, I’m here to tell you that God had his reasons for making us go through this aging process and you can fight it all you want, but it’s still gonna happen.  No cream or lotion, plastic surgery, medication, exercise or herbal product is going to bring us some fountain of youth.  So how do we deal with it all?

This chapter talks a lot about Naomi.  It reminds us how she had a “perfect” life with her wonderful husband, 2 adoring sons, and 2 beautiful daughter-in-laws, and then the bottom dropped out.  She pretty much lost everything.  Her husband dies.  Her two sons are killed.  She finds herself living in a foreign land with nothing to cling to.  She was too old to find another husband or use her good looks for influence.  God had waited until she was middle-aged, no longer valued for her sex appeal or childbearing capacity, to radically change her life.  So NOW what's she gonna do, huh?  --"This story begins with all the markings of a tragedy.  But through divine providence and Naomi’s obedience, the book of Ruth ends just four chapters later with Naomi not only feeling fulfilled but playing a pivotal role in the fulfillment of prophecy.  She goes from being in the pits to becoming one of the most important women in the Bible.  And she does it in ways that every woman can understand and emulate." -pg 18

“Time and trouble will tame an advanced young woman, but an advanced old woman is uncontrollable by any earthly force.” – Dorothy L. Sayers

We’ve got to STOP spending so much time and energy on fighting the aging process and start embracing what it all means.  Like I said before… God made us this way.  He created us to AGE.  Yet we fight against it.  Over and over.  And I think we are missing the whole point.

    “I believe that God wants to redeem all of the broken heels, chipped nails, dead-end jobs, broken marriages, less-than-perfect children, bad perms, fad diets, lost friendships, and PMS of the first halves of our lives.  He needed us to get those things out of the way.  He wants us to trust in something so much bigger than the best diet, the most wonderful sale, the biggest house on the block, the finest china, the top title, or the perfect husband.  He wants us to know that just as he can take a woman who feels bitter and empty to being full to overflowing, so, too, can he transform even our best lives into something so much more.”- pg 28

So go ahead... yell at God. Tell him how pissed you are because your feet don't look cute in your new strappy sandles because of those ugly varicose veins that have showed up.  Tell him how mad you are that none of the cool clothes in the "junior" dept are made to hide your backfat.  Let him know that you are NOT happy about having to watch every morsel that you put in your mouth because it seems you now gain weight over night if you indulge in more than lettuce.  Go ahead.  He can take it.  That's what Naomi did.  She let Him have a good piece of her mind... and then she let Him guide her into the part of her life where she could really make a difference. 

 My guess is God knew this whole "aging thing" was gonna tick us off.  He knew it would fire us up and make us re-evaluate things. Start focusing more on what's really important in this world.  "If all the Christian women aged forty and older got truly serious about seeking God and letting him use us in amazing ways, we could completely change our world."  I BELIEVE IT!!  --Would YOU wanna fight a herd of ticked-off 40 yr old women?? ... yeah, I didn't think so.  Powerful! 

“As long as you’re breathing, it’s never too late to do some good.” – Maya Angelou

"Embracing Your Second Calling" - Chapter 1

Our women's group started this awesome book last week and there was so much to discuss in just the first chapter that we only got through half of it on our Thursday morning conversation.  But here's a re-cap of what we discussed from Chapter 1 - "A New Day Dawning":


1.  "What matters is not your outer appearance -- the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes, but your inner disposition.  Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in." - I Peter 3:3-4    ---- "God, it turns out, doesn't really care if we are sagging or graying or aching.  He doesn't care how much estrogen we have or whether our falling arches have moved us from stiletto heels to Birkenstocks.  And here's a hot flash for us all: in God's economy, the fact that we are becoming less physically attractive may be just the way he wants us."   (pg.3) 

2.  "I believe God has a special purpose for women in the second half of life that is world-changing in its scope.  If we can understand what God is calling us to and can turn away from those voices calling us to stay attached to our youth,  we will be given a power and purpose beyond anything we have experienced."  (pg.8)

3. We discussed the message we are sending younger women when we show that we aren't comfortable with ourselves, at our ages, with our looks, where we are in life etc...   When we constantly try to act/look like WE are 20 yrs old, then the younger women look at us with fear.  They must think that it SUCKS to be where we are, because we so desperately are trying to get back to where THEY are.  WE HAVE TO STOP THIS MESSAGE!!  We have to teach the younger women, that it's COOL to be where we are!!   The only way to get that message across is for us to find a way to BELIEVE that ourselves.  Getting comfortable with where God has us RIGHT NOW is imperative for our own well-being, as well as helping the younger generation.

4. The message that God wants us to know that the best is NOT behind us. (pg.7)  We all may be at certain Crossroads in our lives, but that doesn't mean that what we are saying good-bye to is better than what we are walking into as the next chapter of our life unfolds.  I believe we are ALL walking into a very exciting chapter of life.  We all have unique gifts and opportunities in front of us and I can't WAIT to see what unfolds in each of our lives as we open ourselves up to what God has in our futures, and stop living in goals/dreams/regrets of our past.     

I asked all the women at my group if anyone would like to go back to where they were in their 20's or 30's.... everyone said "Nooooo!"   So then, let's stop listening to "those voices calling us to stay attached to our youth", and get excited about what God has prepared us to do and be in our mid-life!!

One of the things I'm most grateful for at this stage in my life is the unique relationships I have formed with different women that God has surrounded me with.  When I was younger, I really don't think I appreciated what my girlfriends had to offer the way I do now.  We are all on this life-journey together and I love how we lift each other up!  It's so precious to me and something that was definitely lacking in my youth.

What is something that YOU appreciate in your life now that was missing in your youth?  Chime in.. I'd love to know!!

"Embracing Your Second Calling"

 

Happy Saturday everyone!  I haven't been good at keeping up with my "Saturday Morning Scriptures and Stuff" blogs.  Somewhere through the holidays I got off my schedule and still haven't been able to get back on track, but hopefully I will get my act together soon so we can meet here on Saturday mornings again!  

There is one thing I wanted to share this morning specifically for my sisters who are hitting the "Crap, I'm getting old and don't know what to do with myself" stage-- like I am!   I have a wonderful women's group that meets regularly on Thursday mornings and starting this week we are going to be reading Dale Hanson Bourke's book, "Embracing Your Second Calling: Find Passion ad Purpose for the Rest of Your Life".   Here's a little excerpt from the introduction to this book:

    "When I wrote Second Calling a few years ago, I was at the beginning of the journey into this chapter of my life.  A bit shell-shocked by the signs of age, a bit saddened by the impending empty nest, a bit overwhelmed by the realization that my ambitions were changing, I was struggling to make sense of it all.

    I am a few more miles down this road now.  My grown sons have both left home.  I have a new job that takes me to Africa regularly and challenges my comfort zone on every level.  My husband and I have started talking about selling the house and planning for retirement.  My mother has health problems, so my sister and I are more involved in caring for her and managing her life.

     But this is not just my story.  That, more than anything, is what I have learned.  Woman after woman has told me that Second Calling felt like it was written 'just for me'.  The revelation, for all of us, has been that we are not alone.  The joy has been that we feel free to share our struggles and fears and dreams with one another in a way we never felt we could do before.  And for many of us, that means that we can truly embrace our second calling ---even if we don't know exactly what it is."

If any of you can relate to this, I'd love for you to read the book along with us and join in for conversation here on my blog throughout the next few weeks.   FYI, I ordered the books for our group here: Amazon:Second Calling   They are paperbacks, so inexpensive to order!  We will be reading the introduction and first chapter "A New Day Dawning" this week. 

I'll leave you with my bible verse/wish for you this week:  Love you all.... M

Romans 15:13- "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may over-flow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."