"Second Calling" - chapters 4 & 5

Ok.. I'm cheating a bit here and combining two chapters into this one post.  Two reason.. 1) because I'm horribly behind in my blogging and want to get caught up.  And 2) because these two chapters seemed very similar to me and thus seemed connected anyway. 

Chapter 4 is "Making Peace With The Past" and Chapter 5 is "Leaving The Baggage Behind".

Here are some passages that hit me between the eyes:

"Giving up the past may be the greatest challenge we face during midlife.  We want to hold on to so many of the good things -- our looks, our energy, and our roles that once defined us.  We also tend to hold on to the bad as well -- the insults, betrayals, criticisms, and injustices.   ---- On one hand, such tendencies are natural.  We can even justify them by claiming to want to be as good as we can be.  But unless we come to grips with the fact that being all we can be means something entirely different at this stage of life than it did when we were twenty, we will spend our days and years trying to become imitations of our former selves."  -- pg 52,53

"If you hold on to past pain, you may spend the rest of your life as a bitter or defeated person. God will only be able to work in a small part of your soul because it will already be full of scar tissue."  ---pg 55

"Problems do not go away.  They must be worked through or else they remain, forever a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit."  - M. Scott Peck --- pg 57

Ok... so it's CLEAR that we have to let go of the past so we can move forward in a healthy way.  But HOW do we do that?   Ms. Bourke suggests several ways, one being a Christian counselor.  Now, I must admit before going any farther here that I got "burned" by a "Christian counselor" several years ago.  Of course, I found out later on that her "counselor" title was self-imposed and didn't really have any degree.  She led me down a bad road, which basically caused me to walk away from the church and my faith for several years.  Luckily God gently pulled me back on track, but it was a slow road home.

  ....so, I cringed inside when I started reading this chapter, recalling the bad experience I had.  However, I do know some personal friends who have had good experiences with counseling, so I know it can be a great help... my only advice is to MAKE SURE you are going to a licensed and experienced one.  Ask around.  And don't be ashamed about it.  The "stigma" that once came along with going to "therapy" or "counseling" is gone in today's society.  You'll probably be surprised at the few people that don't have a counseling recommendation.  These days, "Who's your therapist?" seems to be in-line with asking "Who's your dentist?"  --- ( Note: Although my first counseling attempt was horrible, I did try it again a few years ago, this time carefully selecting someone, and this time it was MUCH better for me.  I only went a few times, but she really did help me get some things straight in my head. )

And remember.. it's not a weakness to recognize a need for help and reach out for it.  It's a strength.

Besides counseling, Ms. Bourke also talks alot about "self-care", which I whole-heartedly agree with.  If we don't take care of ourselves ladies, we can not take care of the ones around us.   You know when you are flying, and they tell you that if the oxygen masks drop down, put YOUR mask on first, THEN help others put there's on around you.  There's a reason for that.  Get it?

Now... launching into a "self-care" program is a tricky thing, because it doesn't mean you suddenly get to be "selfish" or "self-absorbed".   On page 74 is a list of things that "self-care" is and is not.   There's a fine line and you gotta walk it.  For real.  But setting boundaries that protect your own-well being is something most women are horrible at doing, and something that can literally change your life.  

One more interesting fact: Did you know that scientific studies have showed through actual brain scans that a brain could actually be "cooled down" by prayer and meditation?  No kidding!  I believe it too, because I always sense a "coolness" or "calmness" when I take time for quite prayer/meditation in my day.

"I also learned that prayer and meditation on God's word was as helpful to my physical and emotional life as it was to my spiritual life." - pg 76

Most women I know are highly stressed.  The pressures of this world can be quite toxic to our bodies. Exercising, eating right, and finding that quiet time for prayer each day are all things I'm learning are NOT "options" for me anymore if I want to have a good quality of life.  All three are equally important in my day.

So my question to YOU this week is: What are some things that you have found to be good "self-care" regiments?