My friends Connie Williams and Sheila Tidwell took some beautiful photos during Mom's homecoming service yesterday. They are so precious to me! The above photo is one of my favorites of Sam, Me, Mike and Derek saying our last good-byes to Mom.
Then there is this precious one of Dad, about to be driven away after saying good-bye to his love of almost 65 years.
How do you say good-bye to someone who has been in your life for so long?
It just feels weird to try and go on with our lives now. I mean... hello.... someone's missing. How do you go back to your daily routine and not constantly feel like you're forgetting something. It almost feels... disrespectful. Sigh..... I'm sure I'll find a way. I know that I can't mourn forever. And I know she wouldn't want me to. She was way too practical for that. I remember one time being upset about someone passing and Mom just said, "Oh well Marcia, that's just life. People die." And I remember thinking, "Geez Mom, have a little compassion!"... but she WAS compassionate. She was just incredibly realistic and practical and didn't romanticize anything. So I can hear her voice telling me now, "Good grief.. what good is it going to do anyone for you to sit around and feel sad? You gotta get up and LIVE girl."
So I'm going to give myself a few more days.
And then... I'm going to try to get back to living.
Because she would think I was just being silly if I didn't. :-)
Marcia,
ReplyDeleteYou have an amazing heart. So full of love and admiration. I think maybe the word is actually adoration. We all adore you Marcia and we will lift you up in prayer for the coming weeks so maybe we can help you get back to that place we all call normal. Knowing good and well your normal will eventually become a "new-normal." Peace to you my friend!
With much adoration,
Connie
Thank you dear friend... Love you!!
DeleteOh honey, I've been thinking about you constantly. I just love you so much! I want to help you go back to living. Let's do something fun when you find a little spring in your step.
ReplyDeleteYes... "fun" sounds wonderful. Soon... very soon. Love you... M
DeleteYour writings of your experience has broght back so many of the emotions and thoughts that sometimes floated and other times exploded in my brain as I took that journey with my father. Your life will take on a "new normal" as Connie said. There will always be a space in your heart where your mother will be, you will learn to accept that as part of your new normal. He helps us cope, just knowing that this very special person in your life has gone home and will be waiting for you with open arms at the end of your journey brings comfort. Your words have were inspired love (both heavenly and earthly) and should be written in a format to help others who are embarking on this journey with a loved one. I wish I had had your words to read when my father was passing. Just to know that what I was feeling, others felt too. The inability to breathe, the feeling as if I were in two different realms at the same time. The physical one where my body was with others and the spiritual one where my feelings and thoughts were in the distance looking down at what was going on. Functioning from the outside and frozen in time on the inside. Talking and greeting people, even smiling, all the while dying on the inside. Wanting it all to just stop, so I could breathe. Your words, 20 years later, were so helpful. You have a gift and as you begin living again, consider putting your thoughts and emotions that are universal to all who have lost someone precious, into a format that others will find comfort and inspiration in. You have a gift.
ReplyDeleteMarcia.... yes, you described the feelings perfectly. Thank you for walking with me through this journey and for helping me believe that things WILL get better! Jan and Ron just left today... they were SO helpful the last couple of days....
DeleteAt these time I always think of that old love song.
ReplyDeleteWhy does my heart go on beating?
Why do these eyes of mine cry?
Don't they know it's the end of the world?
It ended when you said goodbye
I wake up in the morning and I wonder
Why ev'rything is the same as it was
I can't understand, no, I can't understand
How life goes on the way it does!
Love,
Carol
Exactly. :-) Love you girl... would love to see you soon!!
DeleteMarcia, your bright and shining attitude and outlook will carry you right back. It cannot help but to. Moving forward and keeping her legacy ongoing is the highest honor she can ever ask for. Your legacy has spread into and through everyone you have ever met. I carry a piece of you inside at all times. The piece that knows that eventually, it all gets better. You must have gotten that from your mother. At least what I guess from the great comments I have read about her. Best wishes for your entire family. Now... Go back to living...
ReplyDeleteWhat sweet words Sandy.... thank you dear friend!! Love.... M
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