I admit it. I like to be right. And if someone makes a statement that I know is wrong, I have to fight the urge to go to great lengths to prove them wrong.
I recently heard someone say, "Do I want to be right?... or do I want to be happy?"... learning how to let some things go is important in getting along in this world without having a very bumpy ride. No one wants to be around a "know-it-all". And who wants to hang out with someone who is constantly challenging their beliefs and thoughts, arguing with everything they say, making them feel inadequate, insecure, or unintelligent.
"The gratification that results from winning a quarrel with another person is short term and isn't worth the residue of shame it leaves." -- OUCH. That one stings, but it's so true. Especially if you are arguing with someone you love. That moment of "Ah-hah! See? I gotcha! I'm RIGHT, aren't I?!?!" feels good for maybe a short second, until you see the hurt and embarrassment in the eyes of your loved one. Then you sorta feel like a bully. That feeling of "winning" goes away very quickly, and then it feels like you both just lost something.
Proverbs 17:14 - "Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out."
Certain things are easier for me to let go of than others. But man, there are some issues that I will easily get pulled into an all out FIGHT about if I'm not careful. So help me out friends... what's the best way that you have found to handle a situation that could possibly turn into an all out fight if you're not careful.
Do you bite your tongue?... keeping your opinions to yourself while the other one spurts out something you believe isn't true?
Do you change the subject?... hoping you can find something you both agree on?
Do you just walk away?.... completely ignoring the situation?
Or do you have some awesome advice on how to express your opinion, lovingly, without making the other one feel attacked?
I'm dying to hear your thoughts on this one.... I almost got into an all-out brawl one morning at church over the stupid Royal Wedding. Hello?!?! What is WRONG with that picture???
I need help.... Sigh...
Hope you all have a great week... no fighting now, ya hear? :-)
I'm the worst about this, especially with those closest to me... the ones with whom maintaing an open relationship is most important!
ReplyDeleteI'd like to say I have a good answer, but I'd be a hypocrite if I did.
The most difficult time for me to hold my tongue, though, is when someone is spouting their "truth" to those who are really seeking wisdom. I'd say, in those moments, there are few disciplines that can keep me quiet.
Tim
I'm sooo guilty of wanting to be right too...this convicted me soo much...God forgive me!!! If I were to give advice, and after reading this I'm walking very cautiously, I'd say if someone ask "what I believe" then I'd give them my belief but otherwise keep to myself. Now on the other hand, if I have a deep relationship with that person and I think that they are in error, HUMBLY AND WITH LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE, I'll give my advice and tell tell them that I love them regardless of whether they take my advice or not.
ReplyDeleteJust pick your battles. if it directly affects you or yours, then discuss it with the frame of mind being open. if it doesn't affect anything just nod and walk away. there are so many things we put importance on in the world that takes energy from what we SHOULD place attention on. i have learned to just nod more than anything. you cannot decide, influence, or change someone elses mind. and your ego is the only thing that tries. ego can get you into trouble for sure.
ReplyDeleteOh girl....
ReplyDeleteI have become somewhat of a tongue biter. That in and of itself is a miracle and one of the ways I know Jesus is real. LOL
Yep...what Sandy said. :-)
ReplyDeleteGood comments friends... I'm glad I'm not the only one struggling with this. Thanks for making me feel not so alone!
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, Sandi...you are so right about removing our ego. When we let our ego's decide what to say, it almost always comes out wrong.
I just read this on my pastor's blog and thought it fit this topic. When I really think about it, when I'm arguing with someone, I'm usually trying to control or "fix" them.
ReplyDeletehttp://withoutwax.tv/2011/05/23/giving-up-my-need-to-fix-you/
I love it when he said: "You see when I begin to understand God’s mercy it frees me from the need to “fix” whoever is wrong."