Weighing My Words.

I admit it. I need to weigh my words a little more. Our tongues can be our sharpest weapon. They can pierce through a heart in an instant.

I have actually been physically beaten several times in my life, but the memories of those injuries have faded with time. MUCH more than the injuries that I have had to my heart. I've had people say horrible, hurtful things that still haunt me today. Here are a few of the things I've had said to me. These quotes are not from one single person, but from several different sources. However, ALL of these actual quotes were from someone who claimed to love me.

"You're no good."
"You're stupid."
"You'll never amount to anything."
"You're fat and ugly and I'm just not attracted to you anymore."
"I can't recommend you for a gig, because you're awful. You just can't sing."
"Why don't you give up? Everyone's getting tired of watching you struggle to be something. It'll never happen."

I don't just remember those quotes, but I remember exactly where i was at the exact moment they were said to me. Why? Because they hurt me so deeply. It was a tramatic moment that is seared in my memory. I'll never forget. Do the people that said those things to me remember those moments so vividly? Probably not. They might even be surprised to know THEY were the ones who said it to me. I actually did remind one person of one of those quotes recently, and they said, "You know I didn't mean that! I was just mad at the time." SERIOUSLY??? Ok, here is where you try to get down to the truth. Were they really just mad and trying to think of something hurtful to say to me and they really didn't mean it? OR, did they really mean it, but now feel bad about it, so they are just saying they didn't mean it now to try and make amends? Which is it? Will I ever get down to the real truth??

My point is this: Once you say something, it's really, really hard to take it back. So weigh those words!!!! I tell myself this everyday. I'm sure I've said things to people that still haunt them. I remember one time yelling at my son because he wouldn't wear a pair of shorts that I had bought him. I just couldn't understand why he wouldn't put on those shorts. He had begged me for them, and now would NOT wear them. One day he was walking out the door with dirty clothes on. Our conversation went like this:

Me: "Hey! Those clothes are dirty! Go put on something else before you leave."
Him: "I don't have anything clean to wear. You need to do the laundry."
Me: "You have those new shorts I bought you. Why don't you wear those."
Him: "Cause I don't like them."
Me: "WHAT?!? You begged me for those shorts! What's WRONG with you?"
Him: "Well, they shrank a little in the dryer and now they don't fall below my knees. So I'm not wearing them!"
Me: "Oh yes you are young man!! Those shorts were expensive and they didn't shrink THAT much! Go put those on!"

That was the point in the conversation where he burst into tears. I was like, "WHAT is wrong? It's just a pair of shorts, for goodness sake." and he softly said, "Don't you remember Mom? You told me that I had knobby knees like you." I was floored. I searched my brain. Yes, I did remember that conversation but I was just teasing him in what I thought was a loving way saying, "Boy, you got your Mama's knobby knees!"... I felt horrible. Without even knowing it, I had scarred my son. This may sound like a small, insignificant thing but it's just proving my point. Words, no matter how small, can scar.

I have had people defend saying hurtful things to someone all in the name of "truth" too. "Well, it's just the truth. Sorry." or "Don't ask me my opinion if you don't want to hear the truth, because you might not like what I've got to say." OR "Don't blame me. I was just telling the truth!" Who's truth? Yours? or Theirs?

I saw this hanging on the wall of Sam's eye dr. yesterday:

THE FOUR WAY TEST
of what we think, say or do:

1. Is it the TRUTH?

2. Is it FAIR to all concerned?

3. Will it BUILD GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS?

4. Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?


We can't just stop at #1. We have to think about 2, 3 and 4 as well.

Ok.. funny story... as I'm typing this blog, my phone just rang. My laptop is on a little lapboard on my lap. I lift the lapboard up so I can get up from the couch to answer the phone. My laptop slides off the board and BOOM! Punches me right in my mouth! I now have a swollen, cut and bruised upper lip. Is God trying to tell me something today?!?!? Gotta go get some ice to stop the swelling, or I'm going to look like one of those actresses who has had WAY too much collagen injected in their upper lips!!! Drat!!

Oops.... was that last remark really necessary? I apologize to anyone who has had too much collagen injected in their lips.

Man, I'm just not getting it, am I???? :-) I am a work in progress, but I'm trying!!