Reframing the Pain

As Thanksgiving approaches, those of us that are feeling blessed look forward to this special time, where we can take a moment and truly reflect on the things we are thankful for.  However, there are many out there who aren't feeling so "blessed" these days.  I've been there.  Last Thanksgiving was one of "those" for me.

 I was carrying alot of pain because of several things that were going on in my life and I wasn't feeling particularly "thankful" for what life was dealing me at the time.   I actually remember spending most of Thanksgiving day on the verge of tears, and it ended with me bawling like a baby that night.  I was full of sadness and although I knew in my head that I was more blessed than many, many other people, I sure wasn't feeling that way in my heart.  
This year will be different... I hope.  I have just finished reading "Choose Joy" by Kay Warren and one of the things that she talks about in this book is learning how to "Reframe your Pain".  Choosing to look at difficulties from a different perspective.  It doesn't mean you ignore your problems or live in denial of them, but it DOES mean that you can still find the "bless in the mess".   My friend Jeff Warfle recently shared a story from his youth that is a perfect example of a situation that initially appeared to be a "mess", but ended up being a "bless".  Jeff is a great lover of music and has devoted much of his time to helping promote several singer/songwriters here in Nashville.  He's also a beloved Math teacher at Fred J. Page High School in Franklin, TN, which is just outside of Nashville.  He and his wife Kathy are truly wonderful and inspiring friends and with his permission, I'm sharing his story with you today.  Thanks Jeff, for the friendship, support and great lesson!

"In high school, I was fortunate enough to make the varsity baseball team as a freshman. Because of an injury to our starting shortstop, I got my first start of the year in the 10th game of the season. That day we were playing an undefeated opponent. We had been losing the whole game at our home field when, in the bottom of the last inning, we were losing 5 -1. We made a comeback and were down 5 -4 with two outs and the bases loaded when "guess who" came up to bat. All it would take was for me to get a base hit and I'd be a hero.

The first pitch was a fastball right down the middle of the plate for

a strike. I guessed that the next pitch might be a curve ball, &

indeed it was.  A fat, hanging curve ball that I blasted as far as I

had ever hit a ball in my life.  No kidding!  It went about 5 yards

over the fence which was 285 feet away.  Only problem... it was about 5 feet foul.  After another couple of pitches, I swung at another fastball and missed.   Game over!  As I was coming to the dugout, the other players were saying the things that good teammates are supposed to say like, "Nice try", "Next time", and "Shake it off".  I almost cried with disappointment.  Then the coach told me that as soon as I got changed he wanted to see me in his office.  Uh-oh!

So as I walked into Coach’s office, I had thoughts that I may never

play again that season unless it was being demoted to junior varsity.

Then came the words that hit me like a ton of bricks … “I know that

today you hurt and are disappointed, but I believe in you.  You are

young and already a good player, but you will become a great player.”

Whoooaaaa, is this possible?  Somebody other than my parents can

believe in me?

I became even more inspired to work hard and determined to prove Coach right.  I'm not sure how great I became (heck, I was no competition for Cal Ripken) but my shortstop playing and high school batting average of over .600 did end up paying for my college education!

It turned out just fine that the hero on the field that day of the

heart-wrenching loss was not me.  It was Coach.  He taught me to

believe in myself and he taught me to believe in others.  So, looking

back to that day, I am thankful that the ball I hit so hard went foul.

I am thankful we lost the game.  Had things gone the way I had hoped

during that at-bat for me, I may not have learned a valuable lesson.

I am thankful for people like Coach who taught me to believe in

myself.

So do not hesitate to tell someone that you believe in them.  Remember

that disappointments and set backs often turn out to be blessings.

Bring a smile to everyone’s face every day.  Do something to make

their day.  Be thankful for family, friends, and good health!"

I think we all have moments in our life, where we can reflect back now and see that what felt like disappointment or discouragement at the time, was actually a blessing.  The thing I'm trying to do is be aware of that during the disappointment or hurt, so that I don't let it get me so down or discouraged.   

How 'bout you guys?  Have you learned how to "reframe the pain"?    Do tell.... ---- M